Le Sigh

I've come to the understanding and gradual acceptance of the fact that no matter how wonderful of a relationhip I'm in, I will have huge and embarassing crushes on random people that I'm not dating. It's an inevitablility, so I might as well try and see the humor in it, right?

As you might have guessed, there's this boy.... I won't say much about him, but suffice to say the instant he walked into the room I knew there was going to be trouble. "No WAY is he in this class!" I thought, "How am I supposed to learn anything with THAT in the room?? He is distractingly gorgeous!" So I set about convincing myself that he's gay. Then, in my twisted logic, he would cease to be such a distraction.

Yesterday, an old friend of mine from high school invited me out to a drag show in downtown. Yes, I mean drag show as in men dressed up as women. It's supposed to be a raunchy, funny performance and it sounded like fun.

Naturally, this set me thinking about running into The Crush at the show. Then I'd know once and for all if he's gay!! "AA HAA HAHA!" I cackled to myself as I rode the streetcar that night. "What a brilliant plan!" And just as I thought that, I turned to look out the window from where I was standing and who do I see sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME? Oh yes, it was him, not two feet away.

I swallowed a yelp and set about staring intently at my shoes. A few moments later he got up and stood directly in front of me, slowly putting on his scarf and then his jacket and then his bag, all the while looking right at me, probably trying to figure out where he's seen me before. I, in the meantime, was trying my damndest to crane my head out in any direction but his. In retrospect, I'm sure it was pretty damn obvious.

No words were spoken. For me, this was because I was afraid that "hi" would come out as a shrieking, "HOLY BEJESUS YOU'RE HOT!!!!!" As for him, it probably has something to do with the fact that he doesn't know my name.

Turns out that I never made it to the show, never caught up with my friends and didn't verify The Crush's potential gayness. I did, however, learn that he's adorably shy and dresses like a cute Portland hipster outside of class. Dammit.