That's it! I'm moving into Portland!

I've gone on and on over the virtues of Portland's public transportation system. I ride the lightrail train (called the MAX) twice a day and have never, in the three months I've lived here, EVER had a problem with it.

Yesterday, at 10:15, I had a midterm scheduled in my favorite class, Archaeology. The day was not going well to begin with. There's a huge windstorm and the banging of doors and things kept waking me up. Tony decided to call me for the first time in a month at 2:30 in the morning. The boy has been in Iraq for six months - you'd think he'd have the time zones figured out by now. I finally gave up sleeping at 6 and got up to make coffee and look over my notes.

8:45 rolled around and I headed down to the train, a bit earlier than usual. The 8:50 train gets me to school about 35 minutes before my class, so I could probably wait for a later one, but usually don't, as I like the extra cushion of time. There are two trains sitting there, not moving. "Hmmm," I said, frowning to myself. "This is very weird."

I got on the train and the TriMet guy kept saying, "Does everyone understand what's going on?" but then doesn't wait for anyone to answer him. I asked a lady nearby. "Oh, there's a power outage and we're not moving for awhile."

I race back to my apartment and get in my car. As I turn the corner, cursing and trying to figure out where I'm going to park in downtown, I see the train zoom past. "Hooray!" I think. "They've fixed it!"

So I parked down at the train station and got on the next train. We sat there for 20 minutes, not moving with the driver saying, "just a few more minutes, just a few more minutes." We are then driven two stops ahead and told to get off and find a bus.

About a thousand late, confused people raced towards the buses, politely ramming their way on. We then drove through rush hour traffic and I'm dropped off 1/2 a mile from school. 6 minutes before my test starts.

Speed walking, dodging traffic and running through Do Not Walk signs, I make the half mile and dash up the three flights of stairs to find a hundred people diligently working on their tests. I swear to you there have never been more than forty people in that class before. I must have looked sufficiently harried, as the prof smiled and cheerfully pointed out an empty seat in the very far back of the room.

I scribbled down half-assed answers that should have been at least twice as long as they were, tossed my test booklet on the front desk and went straight to the nearest bar. Damn 'Mericans and their conservatism on alcohol..... I got a mildly funny look for ordering one Irish coffee and when I finished it 1 minute later and ordered another, I got another funny look. The drink came with the check. I think I was politely kicked out.

Did I mention it was the coldest day of the year? Twenty-something degrees with 25 mph winds, with gusts over 50mph. Beautiful and sunny, but terrifically cold. Everyone was dressed exactly the same: scruffy-looking jacket over an even scruffier looking hoody. You'd have thought 70% of Portlanders were homeless.

I staggered through Portland like this for hours, buying things I didn't need, waiting for the trains to start running again. By 4:30, I gave up and took a bus that left me a mile from home. This livin' in the 'burbs shit has got to stop.